So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
