i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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