And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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