Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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