how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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