I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
