So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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