There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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