remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
