Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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