its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
