I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
