life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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