Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
