I hate your face
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
