i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
