literally had 100 drinks last night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
