I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
