remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
