I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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