My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
