I just threw up on my dentist
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
