Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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