Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
