Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
