I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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