just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
