my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
