I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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