He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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