u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
