you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
