I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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