Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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