The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
