I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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