maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
