she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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