Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
