he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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