I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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