All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
