well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
