He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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