I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
