i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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