i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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