4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
