all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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