does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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