Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
